My Boyfriend is My Boyfriend English Translation
by poppy-in-the-meadow
Summary: Sasuke's mother wants him to marry Sakura. Sasuke doesn't want to give up his life as a single man. So, he lies and says that Naruto is his o bad he doesn't know that Naruto really is in love with him. Warning: Sexual Themes and Boy Love. UPDATE: This translation is on a permanent hiatus. I'm not in the fandom anymore and wouldn't do this fic justice.
1. Chapter 1

**[A/N]: So, as a way to practice my Spanish ( I was born in Colombia) and to share this epic fic with you all, I'm translating lYmli's fanfic, **_**My boyfriend is my boyfriend, **_**into English. Just to be clear, I didn't steal this. I asked the author for her permission. So, I don't want any flames regarding that. Seriously, flame me over that and I'll send Orochimaru after you.**

**[ Naruto and Sasuke run across the screen, holding a banner] **

**Disclaimer: Akiko Gasuki DOES NOT OWN Naruto or **_**My boyfriend is my boyfriend.**_** This is merely a translation.**

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Naruto was waiting in cafeteria for Sasuke. As usual, the raven was late. Suddenly, Naruto spotted Sasuke getting out of a car. Through the window, he noticed Sasuke was wearing a sporty outfit complete with his trademark smile. That smile, as it usually did, caused Naruto to immediately forgive the other boy's lateness.

"Have you been waiting for long?", Sasuke asked as he made his way towards the table.

Naruto was ready to kiss Sasuke's cheek, when he turned in the other direction. Sasuke ignored Naruto's embarrassed face and grabbed a pastry.

"Is it coffee-flavored?", he asked, taking a large bite out of the pastry.

"Yeah"

"Good, I need a _lot_ of coffee this morning", Sasuke said through a mouthful of pastry. Suddenly, his usually gentle smile morphed into a mischievous smirk.

"I spent the_ entire_ night awake", Sasuke complained, taking off his dark glasses and showing the blond the bags under his eyes.

"I don't suppose that was because of the project, was it?", Naruto sighed. They had a project together for the last year of university. But Sasuke was always too busy with other "work".

"Well, I _was_ with these two hot chicks…", Sasuke said arrogently, " It was a threesome with some blondie and a chinese girl."

"Was that really okay?", Naruto asked, annoyed.

The blond had been in love with his best friend, Sasuke, since forever. It always hurt him deeply when Sasuke did things like this. He hated these moments, when Sasuke would start bragging about his conquests.

That wasn't even the worst part. Sasuke had no idea Naruto was gay. Naruto was sure that if the raven ever found out, he'd stop speaking to him. As painful as it was, the blond comforted himself with the fact that at least he got to be the other boy's friend. Sasuke was handsome and a good person, despite everything.

"You're a virgin, what would you know anyway?"

"Uh…I just want to do it with someone special", Naruto said awkwardly, blushing.

"You should have fun while you can", Sasuke said knowingly, "It's at this age when the sex is better. You won't always be twenty."

Sasuke leaned into Naruto and added, "Want me to give you a hand?"

Naruto's heart was beating at a thousand miles per minute at the insinuation. He closed his eyes as Sasuke came closer. His heart pounded loudly in his chest in anticipation of a romantic kiss. Maybe Sasuke had finally realized that Naruto was The One…

Naruto felt a pinch on his arm.

"You know, I can hook you up with one of the chicks I know", Sasuke said, smirking.

"You have the numbers of the girls you've slept with?"

"Of course. If I don't feel like going out, it's easy for me to find someone to have fun with."

"Don't they get pissed?"

"Nope. I'm just that good at what I do", Sasuke explained, rubbing his eye.

The blond stiffened, thinking of the possible implications of those words. A small part of him wondered if it was possible to die from a nosebleed.

"Believe it", Sasuke said seriously, "Even if I was crazy or dead, I wouldn't stop living like this. I love having a new chick every day."

Sasuke laughed and took another bite of his pastry.

_A month later…_

Sasuke had a horrible sore throat. He'd been partying the night before. First there'd been a seriously crazy party, then the after party, all followed by a wild night with some chick and her friends. Sasuke was thoroughly enjoying his life as a non-committed, single man. Of course, when morning came, Sasuke had left quickly- he hated the whole relationship talk that usually followed such nights.

Now, the raven was trying to sleep. His efforts were futile though, the phone wouldn't stop ringing.

"Hello?", Sasuke answered, covering himself with his sheets, " Who is it?"

" Mikoto", the women on the phone responded, " The mother of Sasuke Uchiha, brat. Did you forget I was in the city?"

" Mom! Uh…sorry", Sasuke apologized, " I'll go pick you up at the airport. I overslept because of all my school work."

"It's not necessary, I'm already here. Now, let me in."

"What?"

Startled, Sasuke fell off his bed. He scrambled to pull on some decent clothes and tidy up his apartment a bit. Tossing the dirty plates into the sink, he ran to open the door.

"Hi mom", Sasuke said, opening the door.

Mikoto ignored her son's greeting, saying, "Why is your shirt backwards?"

"Uh…It's the latest fashion?"

Mikoto snorted.

"So, you're here now…um…exactly when are you leaving?"

"My son wants me to leave already?"

"I just don't want Dad to be all alone at home", Sasuke answered, trying his best to appear innocent.

"I will leave after I have presented your future wife to you", Mikoto stated firmly, "Come, Sakura."

A pink haired harpy entered the room and hid behind his mother, a fierce blush painting her cheeks.

"My what?", yelled Sasuke, shocked.

"You will graduate and your father will leave you the business. But, in order for that to happen, your father wants to see you married."

"I'm too young to get married! I don't even know her, I don't love her!", Sasuke said, frantic.

"If you don't get married, you won't have an inheritance", Mikoto warned, " Come on, Sakura is beautiful, rich, from a good family and who we do business with."

"I don't want to", Sasuke insisted.

"Why? Give me one good reason."

_Because I want to have sex with all the women in the world!, _Sasuke thought with a grin.

"Because…"

"Hey, Sasuke!", Naruto shouted, holding a bag full of juice bottles.

"I brought you breakfast 'cause you're always so_ busy_", he added, joking.

That was when he noticed they weren't alone. The two women were staring at him.

"Oh…"

Mikoto's mouth tightened, "What does he mean by 'busy' "?

"Oh, Naruto is just a joker. Aren't you, Naruto?", Sasuke answered nervously.

Suddenly, Sasuke got closer to Naruto. Smirking smugly, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's ass. The blond stiffened and turned beet red. The two women looked startled now.

"I can't marry that salamander", Sasuke said.

"My name's Sakura!"

"Whatever", Sasuke said absentmindedly. He grabbed Naruto by the waist.

"You see, Sakura…, Mother…I'm gay. I can't get married, I'm going out with _my_ Naruto-chan, my lover, my heart", Sasuke explained, pressing Naruto against him.

"Seriously?", Mikoto said, crossing her arms, " I know you Sasuke Uchiha, you won't escape your marriage to Sakura."

"But, I am gay! I'm even going to get married to Naruto! We've been going out since high school!", Sasuke argued in chibi version, fiercely hugging Naruto.

"I don't believe you, you can't be gay. Back home, you left a lot of girls heart broken", his mother said, slapping the back of his head, "You WILL get married to Sakura."

"Well…I turned gay in the city because I fell in love. There's no one this trustworthy, cute, friendly, stubborn and loud, yet as beautiful as Naruto", Sasuke said with pride, " If you don't believe me, I'll show you!"

"I'm watching you", His mother said defiantly.

"What?", Naruto and Sasuke both yelled out at the same time, looking at each other. Naruto was sporting a fierce blush and Sasuke fidgeted nervously.

Sasuke was the manly sort. He was a man, loved women of all classes and sizes. He'd never, even drunk, thought about doing anything with another guy and now he was forced to kiss one to shut up his mother and that Sakura.

"Hey, Sasuke, I'm not sure what's happening, but…,"Naruto said smiling.

"Relax", said Sasuke, " Fine, we'll kiss."

Sasuke shuffled closer to Naruto awkwardly. He screwed his eyes shut and gave the blond a quick kiss.

"See mom? We're a couple, my only husband will be Naruto."

A light blush dusted Naruto's checks. The brief kiss had meant everything to him. Sparks burned through his veins, spreading everywhere.

"A real kiss", Mikoto said, quietly.

"Fine"

"No!", Naruto yelled, frightened. If Sasuke kissed him for real, he wouldn't be able to contain his feelings any longer.

"It's just that Naruto-chan is shy, but he's absolutely wild in bed", Sasuke said, grabbing the blond before he could escape.

Sasuke closed his eyes quickly, trying to pretend that Naruto was just another chick and kissed him. Naruto froze, shocked, with his eyes open and his face completely red. Mikoto and Sakura had their eyes glued to the pair. Mikoto had many questions, but suddenly, Sasuke began to move his hands up Naruto's back until his fingers touched Naruto's golden locks. He caressed Naruto passionately. The blond caught up quickly, wrapping his arms around Sasuke's neck and kissing back. Soon, the kiss deepened and turned into a full blown make-out session.

"It's clear to me now", Mikoto said, separating her son from his 'boy friend'

"I think I'll return home and tell your father that you're getting married to this boy", she said with disdain. Giving Naruto a cursory glance, she thought he looked like he was from a poor family.

Sighing, she said, " Let's go, Sakura."

With that, both women left the apartment.

"Finally!", Sasuke said, the relief in his voice was unmistakable. He moved away from Naruto quickly and threw himself on the couch.

"What the hell was that?", Naruto snapped. A mixture of confusion, embarrassment, annoyance and nerves swirled within him.

"My mother wanted to marry me off to that bubblegum haired harpy", Sasuke explained, laughing, "I can't marry, not with all the women I've yet to try. Tonight, I have a date with a girl at the club."

"You _used_ me to get out of your marriage?"

Sasuke was oblivious to the hurt in Naruto's voice, "Yeah, if I say I'm gay, she can't push another bride onto me. Don't get pissed, it was just a kiss. It's not like it was your first anyway."

Naruto breathed deeply and turned around quickly.

"Naruto Uzumaki…Was that your first kiss?"

"If it even matters to you, yeah, it was!"

"I've got to get you to meet a chick soon. You're always by yourself", Sasuke said this with a laugh. He grabbed Naruto's arm to get him to sit. Naruto tried to slip away and they began struggling on the couch.

"Sasuke", Mikoto said, walking back into the apartment.

"Mom? What are you doing here again?", Sasuke asked, surprised.

"I've decided to stay for a while to see how your relationship progresses. I want to get to know my…son-in-law", she said between clenched teeth. In reality, she had many doubts. Mikoto was determined not to let Sasuke beat her in this.

"Why are you don't you believe me? Don't you see how happy I am with Naruto? We were doing it on the couch!", Sasuke said, quickly grabbing Naruto's ass again.

Naruto tried to stand but found himself firmly trapped under Sasuke.

"Please, if you help me, I'll give you whatever you want. You're my best friend, that's what friends are for", Sasuke whispered into Naruto's ear as he pressed himself onto the blond.

Naruto's mind seemed to be solely filled with thoughts of Sasuke's breath on his neck and the feel of his skin against Naruto's. He couldn't help but nod in agreement. Perhaps if he pretended to be Sasuke's boyfriend, Sasuke would truly fall in love with him.

Naruto couldn't let this chance go.


	2. Sexual Therapy

**[A/N]: It's been a while, ne? Well, here's another epic chapter from lYmli's fanfic translated by yours truly. As I said in my other story, updates will be once a week due to my new job at the aquarium. Now to address some reviews!**

**babyA: Aw thanks. But the credit should mostly go to lYmli and her seriously awesome writing skills!**

**JSinuYasha: ^ ^ I'm glad you like it. Well, here ya go!**

**Suzanne: I know! / I had a fangirl moment around the end of that chapter! I guess we will see what happens. *bows* You guys should show lYmli some love too, she's the original author after all!**

**Guardian of the Clouds: Thanks! It's fun for me and I like being able to share such a great story with others. ^ ^ great naruto reference. I'll post it here since she reads this.**

**To lYmli: thank you for writing this! XD -from the above reviewer.**

**and finally, lYmli herself!: aw, well I'm glad to be able to help out! Thanks so much!**

**Disclaimer: [ artfully written by Sai] This author does not own Naruto or the characters in this story. Hell, it's not even her own story, just a translation.**

**And now, please enjoy this chapter!**

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Chapter 2: Sexual Therapy

After being told that Mikoto was going to spend some time living with them, to observe his "relationship" with Naruto, Sasuke was forced to accept it and pray that his mother would leave soon. This was because, truthfully, Sasuke had no clue how to convince the woman that he was gay and in love with Naruto.

" I'm gonna have to make this look convincing!", Sasuke yelled, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't alone.

Naruto was sitting next to him, while his mother sat across from them.

" I have to...make a convincing dinner!", Sasuke yelled again, nervously placing his hand on Naruto's leg.

"...Because Naruto-chan and I love each other _so_ much", he added, scratching the blond's ears like one would a puppy's.

" You're tickling me", Naruto laughed, trying to hide his red face.

" Really? I didn't know you were so ticklish", Sasuke said, scratching Naruto even more. He couldn't help it, it was fun seeing Naruto trying to escape- this proved impossible as he couldn't stop laughing.

Mikoto coughed delicately, " Now, what were you saying about dinner, Sasuke?"

" Yeah, that. I'll order something from outside. We can get whatever you want: Mexican, Chinese, Thai food, Russian, French. Or if you want something Japanese, we can get sushi or sukiyaki"

" Why would you spend so much money if you have Naruto-chan?", Mikoto asked.

" Uh...my name's Naruto", the blond said, his face reddening, " I'm not some restaurant."

" If you're going to get married to my son, you'll have to know how to cook", Mikoto said in a serious voice as she sipped her tea, "You're not thinking of leaving my son to die of hunger. A good wife...er, _husband_ in your case, has to know how to make delicious meals for their husband."

" But mother", Sasuke protested, " Naruto doesn't know how to co-"

" Aw,Sasuke-chan", Naruto said sweetly, hitting the raven to shut him up, " Of _course_ I know how to cook. I'll make dinner right now while both of you...watch TV or listen to music!"

" You know how to cook?", Sasuke asked, surprised.

" Yeah!", Naruto said, rolling up his sleeves as he walked into the kitchen.

" Then, hurry up!", Sasuke said, encouraging the blond with a slap on his ass.

Naruto had lied.

No, he didn't know how to cook. He'd always eaten instant ramen- the kind that only needed hot water to be prepared. Even so, this was his chance to surprise Sasuke. After all, wasn't there a saying that said the best way to get to a man's heart is through his stomach? If Naruto could manage to make a proper meal for Sasuke and his mother, both would be so surprised and happy that they would never let him leave. Maybe they'd even make him part of the family too!

" Naruto Uzumaki Uchiha has a nice ring to it...", the blond said dreamily as he opened the fridge. What he found was some beer, tomatoes, milk, onions, eggs and a few slices of cheese.

Shifting through the items in the fridge, Naruto sighed and said, " Well, I can make an omelet at least. That cooking show said that I just need to melt the cheese and mix it with the tomato and chopped onion."

Naruto carefully placed the frying pan on the stove. While it heated itself up, he began to cut the tomatoes and then the onions. After that, the blond pulled out some slices of cheese and put them into the frying pan. A few minutes later, Naruto returned to the living room with the omelet.

" It smells delicious", Sasuke lied. In reality, it smelled like burnt plastic.

Naruto had probably burnt something in the kitchen.

" This resembles a breakfast more than a dinner", Mikoto remarked lightly, " But, since you're my son's boyfriend, he must be used to this."

Leaning back, she added, " Oh son, don't be shy. Eat what Naruto-chan made for you."

" You don't want any mother?"

" I ate on the plane, dear." _And because it looks strange, moving like some freakish monster..._

" Let's eat!", Sasuke said, trying not to show his fear of Naruto's food.

" Oh and boys? There's no need for you to be so stiff around me", Mikoto said, smiling, " You can act like you always do- like a playful and caring couple."

" What do you mean?", Sasuke asked, confused by his mother's words.

" Oh, you know. Naruto-chan feeds you and you feed him or maybe you clean the crumbs off of each other with your lips, things like that. Come on boys, I'm not a homophobe. If my son is happy, so am I."

" Right. C'mon Naruto-chan, don't be shy", Sasuke smiled and opened his mouth widely.

Naruto blushed and tossed a small piece of omlet into Sasuke's mouth as though he were playing basketball.

" This tastes great, mom", Sasuke said chewing the piece of omelet, " Are you leaving now? Now you know that Naruto can cook."

" You're so cute Sasuke, come on, eat it all", Mikoto said, looking intently at Sasuke.

" I will", he said with small tears in his eyes. What he was eating was so hard it felt like he had eaten a piece of metal or plastic. It also had a very bitter taste to it.

_Many hours later...( Sasuke had a bit of trouble swallowing the rest of the omelet)_

" Well, I've got to go home", Naruto said, standing up from the sofa.

" Goodbye dear", Sasuke said, slapping Naruto's ass once more.

" Wait", Mikoto said as the two headed out, " Who do you live with?"

" Um, my mom and dad..."

" That must mean that if Sasuke visits your house, he won't have much privacy with you", Mikoto stated , " That's bad, if you're going to get married, you should start living together to get to know each other better."

" Mother, Naruto and I know each other very well", Sasuke answered, opening the door and throwing the blond out.

" That's what you think", Mikoto nodded knowingly, " I thought your father was very clean and organized, but after we got married, he kept leaving his dirty underwear and socks everywhere and always forgeting things: like flushing the toilet or closing the garage door..."

" Don't talk about things like that in front of Naruto", Sasuke said, embarrassed.

" And why not? He'll be part of the family anyway. It's best if he learns things like the fact that you kept wetting the bed until you were fifteen, that you still sleep with Marvin ( your teddy bear), that you're still scared of the dark, that you snore and that you sleep-talk."

" Really?", Naruto asked, surprised.

" No!", Sasuke yelled, "Anyway, weren't you leaving, mother?"

" You only use me when you want to."

" Come on, Naruto's going to live with you from now on. That's why I said that."

"Mother, if Naruto stays here, it'd be in the guest room. There's no room for you, you'll have have to go back to Dad", Sasuke said, smiling.

" What are you talking about, dear? Naruto's going to stay in your room, of course. I'll just stay in the guest room."

Sasuke and Naruto turned to face each other, eyes as big as dinner plates. Fear, nerves and embarrassment were visible on their faces.

" It's not like this is the first time you guys do this", Mikoto said nonchalantly.

Panicked, Naruto yelled, " I'm still a virgin!"

" Idiot, my mother is talking about sharing a room!", Sasuke yelled, blushing furiously.

" My god, I thought my son was a man. How come your future husband is still a virgin? Why haven't you fixed that, Sasuke Uchiha?"

" I'm not talking about sex with you", Sasuke snapped, annoyed.

Grabbing Naruto, he added, " Go to sleep, Naruto and I will be doing the same."

Sasuke rushed the two of them to his room and locked the door.

" Thanks", the raven let out a relieved sigh as he plopped down on his bed.

" Well, you were the one who kept slapping my ass", Naruto mumbled, blushing. He sat down lightly next to Sasuke.

" I had to make it look like authentic in front of my mother. She's a witch, but she'll get bored of this in a year or so."

" In a year?"

" I'm joking. She'll probably leave soon."

" I don't know if I can do this...", Naruto said, nervously. Being alone with Sasuke, in his room and with all that adrenalin in his body made it hard to deny his feelings and desires. The blond didn't care if it was for a year or until death, he was just happy to be with Sasuke.

" I'm begging you", Sasuke pleaded, kneeling in front of Naruto, " If I get married, I'll never meet beautiful women or have wild sex! I'll get fat and have a pot belly. I'll be surrounded by screaming brats while my wife nags me!"

" I didn't want to interrupt you", Mikoto said with a knowing grin, looking at Sasuke kneeling in front of Naruto, between his legs ( / oral sex, people), " I wanted to ask about the jacuzzi."

" What, do you want me to take a bath with Naruto in front of you so you can finally realize that I'm gay and that we are very happy?", Sasuke responded sarcastically.

"...I just wanted you to tell me how it works", Mikoto answered slowly, " I don't know why you think that I want to stick my nose into your lives. I'm just here to visit my son and his fiance."

" Fine, wait for me in the bathroom", Sasuke said.

Looking at Naruto, he added, " I'll be back."

The blond couldn't hear him as he was too busy imagining both of them, naked, in the jacuzzi. Naruto fell over, having fainted from the huge nose bleed.

After a while, Sasuke finally got away from his mother, having left her asleep. He quietly made his way back to his room.

" Well? Will you be my boyfriend?", Sasuke asked, sitting down on the bed where Naruto was currently laying down on.

" Sasuke...", Naruto mumbled, clutching the pillow in his arms.

" Oh, you're asleep", Sasuke said quietly, surprised, " I'm tired too."

The raven and the blond ended up falling asleep on the bed together. The next day, Sasuke awoke to the sight of blond hair. Startled, he sat up.

" Ne, Sasuke, are ya awake now?", Naruto said, pulling the sheets off of himself.

" Uh, don't call me, I'll call you! I don't have your number? Don't worry, I'll look you up!", Sasuke said frantically. He launched himself out of bed and began searching for something on the floor.

" What are you looking for?", Naruto asked, the confusion showing on his face. After all, it wasn't everyday your " boyfriend" began talking to himself.

" Oh, my clothes."

" Sasuke, you're wearing them", Naruto smiled gently.

" Naruto! What are you doing here?"

" Oh, whatever. Just tell me what's going on? I mean, you wake up looking like a maniac the moment the sun comes up."

" I just...I thought you were one of my girls", Sasuke explained, " If I'm there when they wake up, they usually want to talk about breakfast and relationship crap."

" Huh, maybe you have a dirty conscious, Sasuke."

" That's not the problem here. Seriously, what are you doing in my bed? Are you naked?"

" What? Y-You don't remember?", Naruto stammered out, his eyes wide.

" Sasuke!", Mikoto yelled suddenly, walking into the room.

" I remember everything now", Sasuke said when he noticed his mother walking into their room with her hair curlers still on.

" Mother, we were just talking about you. We were talking about what a shame it would be to leave you alone today. It's just that Naruto and I are going on a date that will probably take a long time. You know, we might not even make it home today. Feel free to go back home if you feel lonely."

" Oh don't worry about me, dear. You boys have a good time today. I'll just spend the day at the spa", Mikoto said sweetly before adding, " But, tell me, what are you going to do on your date?"

" I was thinking about going to the movies", Sasuke responded with ease, " Well...I won't reveal anymore. I wouldn't want to spoil my little honey's surprise."

Sasuke said all this with ease, effectively hiding his panic. To complete the illusion, the raven lay down next to Naruto and pinched his cheeks lightly.

" Alright", his mother said as she left their room.

" Little honey?", Naruto asked frowning at the pet name.

Sasuke shrugged, saying, " It works with the chicks."

Looking around, the raven added, " You can use my clothes. It's best if we leave before my mother comes back. I'll wait for you in the car."

Naruto watched Sasuke leave and looked around. Spotting the closet, he began shifting through the clothes inside. The blond grabbed a t-shirt and clutched it to his chest. If he shut his eyes, it was almost like he was embracing Sasuke.

" I love you, I love you so much Sasuke. I'll do anything to marry you. I want my name to be Naruto Uchiha", Naruto whispered gently against the fabric of the t-shirt.

" What are you doing?", Sasuke asked, leaning against the doorway.

" W-What are _you_ doing?", Naruto asked in return, nervously running his fingers through his hair.

" I forgot my cell phone."

" O-Oh...", Naruto's face reddened as he tried to come up with an excuse. Friends did _not_ hold friends shirts like that. Finally the blond stammered out, " I-I don't think it'll fit me, it's too big."

" You'll look cute", Sasuke said nonchalantly as he walked out again.

" You think I'm cute?", Naruto said, repeating Sasuke's words. The blond clutched his stomach, laughing in chibi version, " Imagine! Sasuke saying I'm cute!"

After putting on only slightly baggy jeans that showed a bit of his boxers, the shirt he'd been holding before and a pair of converse, Naruto really felt like Sasuke's boyfriend. After all, only couples shared clothes. Chasing the thought from his head, Naruto remembered that Sasuke was waiting for him in the car.

Sasuke waited for the blond in his car. His hair was messy, he had bags under his eyes and a general air of exhaustion around him. Between his mother's watching presence in his home and having been unable to stop looking at Naruto, it wasn't surprising that he hadn't slept at all. Looking at Sasuke as he climbed into the car, Naruto couldn't help but think that Sasuke looked like a disaster.

_But it's sexy as hell_, Naruto thought, sighing like a lovesick schoolgirl.

" Take this", Sasuke said pulling Naruto from his slightly inappropriate thoughts. The raven handed him a napkin.

" Why?"

" You were sniffling before. Don't you have to blow your nose?"

" No, I-I was...sighing because...oh, forget it", Naruto tried to explain as he got into the car.

Naruto had no clue where they were going. But, when he saw the mall and recognized the movie theater, he knew.

When Sasuke stopped the car, Naruto asked, " We're really going to the movies?"

" Of course, you can watch whatever movie you like", Sasuke said, pulling out some money from his wallet, " I'll pick you up later."

Naruto turned towards Sasuke, surprise present in his features, " But, where will you go in the meantime?"

" I've got a date with this black-haired French exchange student..."

" You must know a lot to make your conquests at night", Naruto said, turning away.

" It's just that I've got to study my prey beforehand", Sasuke said, glancing knowingly at the blond.

" Fine", Naruto said, climbing out of the car.

Suddenly, Sasuke reached over and slapped his ass again. Naruto let out a hiss of pain and turned towards the raven.

" Sorry Naruto, I think I've already gotten used to doing that. You have a great ass", Sasuke said as he drove away.

" Gah! I'm so freaking confused!", Naruto yelled, sitting down on a nearby bench, " He says I'm cute, holds my hand, slaps my ass, smiles at me, but we're only _friends_...If only I was a girl! But how? Baaaaaaaaaaaaah, why couldn't my mom have made me a girl ?"

" Don't cry", a calm voice said. Naruto looked up and saw a young man about his age standing in front of him.

" Sasuke!"

" My name's Sai", the raven haired stranger said, smiling gently, " This Sasuke must be a jerk to ditch a beauty like you."

" Nobody's ditched me!", Naruto protested.

" That makes me happy, because now I can invite you to see a movie and go out for coffee with me."

_What a weird guy! Who invites a total stranger to see a movie? Oh my god, what if he's one of those rapists or murderers? What if he's both?_, Naruto thought, slowly freaking out more and more,_ But...he looks like Sasuke...Maybe this is the closest I can ever get to Sasuke...going out with Sai_...

" Alright", Naruto agreed. Sai smiled gently again and they headed inside.

Six hours later, Sasuke was sitting in his car waiting for Naruto. They were supposed to meet up after the blond watched his movie and he finished his date. Yet, Naruto was nowhere to be found.

" Naruto?", Sasuke called out when he saw the blond practically doubling over with laughter just outside the mall.

" Sasuke?"

" I told you I'd pick you up", Sasuke replied, anger present in his voice, " Since when does a movie last this long?"

" I met up with a friend", Naruto said simply.

" What friend?"

" Contrary to what you might think, I do have other friends than you, Sasuke Uchiha. I'm _sorry_ that you're not the only one."

" Whatever, just get in", Sasuke said, hiding his confusion. Why the hell did he feel so bad when Naruto told him that he had another friend? Even more confusing, the blond had actually yelled at Sasuke. Naruto had never been rude to him before.

" I'm sorry", Naruto whispered as he got into the car, "I hadn't meant to yell at you, it's just that..."

" It's fine", Sasuke replied just as softly. He kept one hand on the wheel and used the other to dry the tears in Naruto's eyes.

" Don't cry", he added gently.

" I'm not crying. Concentrate on the road before we crash into a tree or something", Naruto said, quickly shifting away from Sasuke. If he were to hold the raven's hand or feel the other man's hand on his cheek again, he really was going to lose it.

_Why won't he touch me like he touches those girls? If Sasuke told me, right now, that he wanted me, I'd let him. I would, even if it was only for a night and he left me the very next day..._

" Oh, who the hell even understands women? First they say one thing and then they say the exact opposite!", Sasuke ranted.

" So, how was the date?", Naruto asked, facing the window. Somehow, he felt obligated to ask. Even if he couldn't care less.

" You tell me", Sasuke grumbled.

" Just how the hell am I supposed to know?", Naruto snapped before he noticed Sasuke pointing between his legs. Naruto lowered his gaze and saw that Sasuke had had a very _interesting _reaction.

" The stupid woman let me touch her, take off her freaking clothes, do almost everything to her. Yet, at the moment of truth, she says that she wants to be 'pure' when she gets married. Obviously, I left...very, erm, _excited_...And with my mother here, I can't spend the night elsewhere. She'd probably search for me everyw-"

Sasuke quieted when he noticed that Naruto had fainted, blood coming out of his nose and his face all sorts of colors.

Of course Naruto had fainted. The poor blond practically died when he saw Sasuke's erection and began fantasizing about how he could 'help' him calm down.

When they returned home, Mikoto had already made dinner and laid it out in the dinning room. Sasuke practically ran into the bathroom in his hurry. Naruto shrugged and began setting the table.

" What's keeping him?", Mikoto asked when Sasuke didn't come out of the bathroom quickly, " Maybe he's got a stomache ache? What did you guys eat at the movies anyway? C'mon Naruto, if your husband's sick, you have to take care of him. It's your duty."

Naruto didn't know what to say, so he followed her to the bathroom.

" Sasuke, are you okay? Why are you taking so long?"

" Why don't you just leave me alone?", the raven replied, his voice muffled because of the door.

" I'm your mother and you have to answer me", Mikoto said, throwing open the door, " Sasuke Uchiha!"

" Mother!"

" Sasuke!", Naruto yelled, covering his eyes quickly.

Sasuke had his pants down, sitting on the toilet and...masturbrating.

" Don't look at me!", Sasuke yelled, pulling his pants up quickly.

" My god! I-I need to call Jiraiya about this!", Mikoto said, shocked. She left quickly to find the phone.

Mikoto spent most of the night on the phone while Sasuke and Naruto sat on the couch like children who had been punished. They sat stiffly while they waited for Mikoto to hang up.

Sasuke felt humiliated. Couldn't a man masturbrate peacefully in his own home? Meanwhile, Naruto had very nearly died again. He had gotten to see Sasuke's member and, by god, was it huge! He was currently fighting back a rather large nosebleed.

The sound of Mikoto putting the phone down broke the silence.

"I talked with Jiraiya about this", Mikoto said, sitting down in front of him.

" Oh god, do you have to tell my uncle this kind of stuff?", Sasuke said, practically dying from embarrassment.

" He's a sexual therapist."

" I'm not going to talk to you about sex!"

" Of course you are! Why are you so embarrassed? It's really thanks to sex that I had you", Mikoto said nonchalantly, as though she was talking about the weather.

" La la la la, can't hear you!", Sasuke chanted repeatedly, shutting his eyes tightly.

" Jiraiya, your uncle, is a sexual therapist. I made an appointment for both of you tomorrow morning. Speaking of which, Naruto", she said looking at him intently, " You're twenty? You're getting old and you're still a virgin. Are you sure there isn't some sort of trauma? And Sasuke, doing those things when you've got a boyfriend...I mean, masturbrating is normal and all, but with a boyfriend...You guys need to connet your feelings so that you can have a fulfilling sexual life."

" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I want to die! Oh my god! Naruto, get me a freaking knife from the kitchen so I can commit harakiri!", Sasuke shouted as he rolled around on the floor.

How the hell were they supposed to have sexual therapy if they didn't even touch each other?

**Well, that's all for today. Look forward to a new chapter next week!**

**Will Sasuke ever stop slapping Naruto's ass?**

**Will Naruto ever stop fainting from all his dirty fantasies?**

**Will this translator fall over foaming at the mouth from all the yaoi goodness?**

**Read next week's chapter and possibly find the answers to these questions and more!**


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